So you just ran home! How exciting! I know your chapter is thrilled to have you, and a lucky sister will get to call you her little very soon! Something I really want you to think about as you go into this process of choosing your big sister: Your big should be your cheerleader, your biggest fan, and your advocate, but most importantly, your big should be a mentor! Understanding that your big sister is there to guide you through your time in your chapter is really important.
As a big, you have the opportunity to help the younger women in your chapter find their footing. I am lucky enough to have a gaggle of littles by my side. My first is Cassidy; she has a heart of gold and stands up for those who aren't comfortable enough to do so for themselves. I knew Cassidy didn't need a lot of guidance, but she needed a cheerleader that would empower her to get involved. Kara is my second, she followed in my footsteps, and she has held the same positions as me over the years. Our relationship was rooted in working together to aid the development of our chapter. She loves first and asks questions later. I was fortunate enough to be able to step up and take her under my wing. I have learned just as much from her as she has from me. Finally, my third, Anjil, needed someone to make her feel loved and valued for exactly who she is. When she was considering transferring, I was the voice telling her that she was just getting started. She had so much potential for growth in the chapter, and it has been such a joy to watch how she has grown. Anjil and I were friends first and unofficial “big/little” later. I love these three fiercely; if they called needing something, I would go running! I tell you these things about my little sisters to help you understand that each relationship is different. Do not compare your relationship with your big to the relationships other members may have with theirs or even the relationship your big has with your twin (if you have one.) I also share the stories to encourage you to act as a big sister to everyone younger than you in your organization. “It takes a village” really applies when it comes to leading the younger women in your chapter.
I think there is a massive misunderstanding of what the role of a big sister is. I believe it can be a multitude of things. When choosing a big sister first, you need to think about what type of relationship you would like to have with her. Do you want a fast friend that will always be there? Do you want a mentor that will encourage you to be involved in the chapter? Do you want someone who will hold you accountable? You also may want a combination of all these things! Get an understanding of what you think you need to grow in your new organization, and then consider how involved you want your big sister to be in your experience. When looking for your big sister, communicate what it is you are looking for! Your chapter may send you on coffee dates to meet potential big sisters or have big/little events to help you both decide. Be yourself!! This is no different than a recruitment experience; mutual selection is also playing out in this situation!
If you find out you did not get the big sister you were hoping for, please don’t be discouraged. This sister has been preparing for you for months. She has canvases painted, and old t-shirts to pass down, and she is so excited to have a little sister beside her! There is absolutely nothing saying you cannot be close to the other big sisters in your chapter! Communication is key in this type of relationship. Tell her what you need from her, and express what you are looking for. Allow her to be a guidebook for you. If your big isn’t your best friend, that is okay! The exciting thing is that in just a year, you may get the opportunity to stand in her shoes. If you wish you had gotten more out of that relationship, be that person for your future little one! Go into this process with an open mind; you may find the mentor you didn’t even know you needed.