We all need different things when it comes to making decisions in our lives: as big as where to go to college and as little as what sweet treat we’re feeling for the night. Especially as a potential new member navigating sorority recruitment, having the right support system or outlets to consider your options will give you the confidence, validation, and trust in yourself that you need to find your lifelong sisterhood!
From working with Panhellenic communities across the country, I hear a consistent concern around negativity, misinformation, and rumors about chapters being spread like a wildfire among potential new members in recruitment. This is not surprising to me for a couple reasons:
The nature of recruitment feels competitive. And in that environment, we want to feel a part of the "game" so it is easy to get sucked into negative conversations as they often feel exclusive and helps us feel a part of the in-crown.
When we feel vulnerable (afraid of rejection), we desire to control what we can and be validated in how we feel. Therefore, we cling to narratives that make us look better - either for not liking a chapter that others do not as well or one that did not invite us to return.
As we get into different healthy outlets to reflect on your process depending on the kind of processor you are, I want to remind you that you are NOT competing against other potential new members and EVERY CHAPTER has a beautiful experience to offer women on your campus. The Panhellenic community at large only thrives when every chapter is succeeding. There is room for you in this community. Trust the process with a mindset that "I already belong" and "every chapter is deserving of respect and the benefit of the doubt."
With that disclaimer in mind, let's consider the different ways we could be supported well based on how we process experiences. While some of us are more prone to sharing our daily experiences with anyone who will listen, others of us keep more things close to our chest. Regardless of your processing preferences, I believe we all need an outlet through sorority recruitment that will protect the process for others and provide needed perspective. So let's talk about your available support systems as an external or internal processor:
External Processor
As a fellow external processor, I know how weighty uncertainty can feel – you just want to get it out of your body by talking it through with the closest trusted listener. It’s especially important as a potential new member to be intentional about WHO you process with to ensure that you aren’t getting misleading advice OR impacting another’s sorority journey with your personal feelings about a chapter or experience. Here are a few great outlets to verbally reflect on your experience with and validate your feelings through the process to help you arrive at the best course of action:
Recruitment Counselor: Your recruitment counselor applied, were appointed, and TRAINED for the very purpose of mentoring you through your recruitment journey. I cannot think of anyone more equipped with the campus specific insight for chapters on your campus to advise and support you through each round's reflections. While they may not know YOU very well yet, feel free to share more about yourself, your background, and what you're looking for, in addition to your impression with different chapters / the experience overall that is impacting your interesting in joining a certain sisterhood / the community at large.
Friend from home / unbiased family member: People who know you well outside of the campus environment can also serve as great sounding boards! Some of your friends from home can help ask intentional questions to help you think through how you really feel and what you need without knowing the details of the process itself.
Shoot a support person a quick text after each event with the name of a recruiter you talked to, what you talked about, and how you felt leaving to trigger your memory about your experience later on when you talk to them over the phone or for your personal reference talking to your recruitment counselor or making decisions before preferencing.
Caution: for family members or friends who are current / past members of a sorority, ask them to help you make the best decision for your sorority journey without inserting any bias from their own experience!
Internal Processor
While as internal processor, you may not feel as naturally prone to walk through your feelings and emotions with others for validation or in help making a decision. But, you still need to set aside time to reflect on how you felt, where you see yourself belonging, and check-in with what you need throughout the process. It’s also important to note, that even though you don’t need to talk through your experience with others, who you do talk to about your experience matters. Keep your strong opinions about chapters out of conversations with fellow potential new members to prevent them from altering their perspective of a chapter based on your experience. Even with recruitment counselors, you can be more honest but I’d urge you to be respectful & polite as you never know what chapter they belong to or the close friends they have on campus in other chapters.
Take notes after each event
Writing down a few quick impressionable experience right after each recruitment event such as recruiters you talked to, what you talked about, and how you felt leaving will trigger your memory later to be able to make recruitment decisions.
Journal at the end of each day
Review all your little notes at the end of the day and journal about your day - what stood out to you as themes of what you're looking for, what you need, any concerns or questions you need to ask someone about, and what you might be learning about yourself in the process. Looking at the bigger picture at the end of each day can put the intensity of recruitment in perspective of things you're learning about yourself.
Take a walk, long shower, listen to music
Do something that activates different senses! Whether exercising, practicing some self care, eating a favorite meal, or turning to your favorite album at the time, give yourself space to think about the bigger picture and get out of the weeds of the process.
Check in with your recruitment counselor
Even though talking things through with her may not be your first response, rely on her for friendship and deeper connection through the process. She is TRAINED to support you in whatever way you may need - which might just be someone to talk to about what you're liking about campus or the college town. Get out of your comfort zone and invest in this relationship to gain perspective you might not have even realized you need.
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